Once upon a time, I thought I had it all.
I was happily married to My One True Love. I had an adorable daughter. I had a great career where I was being paid well. Life was great.
Sure – my husband and I had our differences every now and then. And sure we could do with more money. And yes I wanted another kid but he was content with one. True I wasn’t exactly happy with where I was living. And I was secretly worried about the state of my sex life. And of course I could do with a little less stress..and a little more true happiness and satisfaction at my life. But it’s ok, I thought, my true happiness will come someday…
So I continued portraying this Fakebook of my life, convincing myself all was well…
Until one day it was not.
Until I discovered my husband had been having an affair pretty much as soon as our daughter was born. And that even though I considered him my soul mate and one true love – that he never considered me the same way. And that all those times he rejected me for sex because he had “a low sex drive”, he was actually getting his needs met elsewhere.
All of a sudden, my whole life came crashing down. The past 8 years of my relationship with my husband turned into one huge lie. What I believed my life to be and my future to be, got turned upside down.
What made matters worse was that I saw text messages from his mistress where she said stuff that fueled my insecurities.
I was down. I felt physical pain from the heartbreak. I couldn’t eat. I had this out of body experience. And there were others who knew about his affair but never told me about it. I felt embarrassed. I was probably the biggest laughingstock to them.
But deep down, I knew I couldn’t let them see me defeated. And I couldn’t let them see that whatever lies they’d heard about me were true. I needed to live well…because living well is the best revenge.
Two weeks after I found out about the affair, I moved out to an apartment about a mile away. I took my daughter with me. I had nothing with me – none of our clothes (all of our stuff was with my husband in another state – I’ll go into more detail in my blog), none of her toys, no furniture. I ordered everything online and had it all delivered within a week of moving in.
Naysayers including my own parents, questioned my decision to move out. They were concerned about my financial wellbeing and worried that I wouldn’t be able to do this single mom thing. But I knew that I couldn’t stay on in a situation where I had been disrespected and taken for a fool.
3 months after I found out about the affair, I served him the divorce papers. 10 months after I found out about the affair, we were officially divorced.
The thing about divorce is – the head tells you to move forward with the process but the heart is slow in catching up. After all it does take time to fall out of love with someone. I did some things (which I will talk about in more detail) to help me fall out of love with him. Some of those things may not be morally right but now I view them as a necessary part of my healing process.
In the midst of all this pain, I stayed focused on the one thing that made me feel good about myself – my career. I got recognition in my career. I kicked ass. I got a pay raise.
Today I’ve more or less found peace in my life. I understand that I’m fortunate enough to be able to get out of a bad situation fast – and that not everyone may be blessed with the same resources as I had when I first found myself in the shithole. But I’ve always believed in one thing – that you control your own destiny. That no matter how powerless you think you are, if you calm down and think through, you’ll find a solution that works for you.
But most importantly – I learnt that my happiness must never be dependent on someone else. And now I’m finally on my way to the true happiness that I’ve been seeking. And it comes from within.