Category Archives: holidays

A Letter To My Daughter On International Women’s Day

Dear Daughter,

You are entering a very exciting phase in your life. You and I – we moved to New York City about six months ago. You started kindergarten and you’ve made many new friends – heck you have more of a social life than I do with all your play dates. And yesterday you went for your first audition – your first audition was for a Broadway musical in Times Square – isn’t that awesome?

Yesterday your dad came out to support you for your audition. So we did spend some time together as a family. And your dad took you out to dinner last night while I went to the gym. When I came to pick you up, you invited your dad up to our apartment but we both told you that’s not a good idea and your dad left. When you came back to our apartment, you told me you were sad and you were missing daddy already. At bed time, you cried because you said you missed your daddy.

I let you have a good cry. I do empathize with you my dear – I really do. But I am over feeling guilty about you having to live with divorced parents. Because it wasn’t me who tore our family apart. In the beginning, your dad and his parents would blame me for wanting the divorce. However if he did not cheat on me, would I have wanted a divorce? No – in fact I was working really hard on our marriage but a marriage takes two hands to clap – I can’t fix a marriage alone. And cheating is a deal breaker. 

And the thing is – my honeybun – the man who I loved with all my heart never once apologized to me what he did to me. And he never begged me to forgive him. He moved on really quickly. So why should I be with someone who clearly never wanted to be with me?

And my darling when you grow up and if you ever do find yourself in this situation – be it in a romantic relationship or in a friendship or at work – if you ever find yourself in a situation where you are no longer valued and respected, you hold your head up high and you walk too. You don’t beg. However painful it may be. However scared you may feel. You pull yourself together and you walk away with your dignity intact. Because trust me – everything will be alright.

So today on International Women’s Day, my hope is that you will grow up to be a strong woman who is not afraid to pursue her dreams. Whether it’s to sing onstage in a Broadway musical, or to be the President or to be a mom, your possibilities are endless and you never give up until you’ve tried your hardest. And you are responsible for your own happiness. If you choose to be alone, that’s perfectly fine. If you choose to be in a relationship, I pray that it will be a relationship filled with mutual respect and love for each other. Do not ever let your fears take over you. Live a life with integrity.

I love you baby. Happy International Women’s Day!

Blessed Holidays

  

Dear friends, this holiday season I pray that you will find the strength to carry on. I pray that you will not give up. 

I know it is difficult to be happy. I am not asking you to be happy. I just pray that you will have hope. 

Hope in a new life. 

It may not be the life you had originally hoped for. It may not be the life you thought you were going to have. And the journey there may be a hard one. But I promise that once you get there, it will be a sweet life. 

So have a blessed holiday. And soldier on my friends. 

Peace, Love And Joy

I know.

You read the header and probably went “This is so cheesy – is she serious?”

It’s hard to feel that holiday spirit when you are in the throes of a bad situation. I spent last Christmas with my closest friends and family back home. It helped a little but I still couldn’t help but feel a little weird that I wasn’t spending it with my husband as I always had for  the past six years. 

My ex husband has always been – and still is, secretive. I guess that’s how he’s been successful at maintaining that double life of deceit for three years. He’s never been forthcoming about what he’s up to. 

Today for a moment, I had reason to believe that he might be spending Christmas with his affair partner – I guess she’s now his girlfriend now that we’re divorced? – even though he’s always claimed they’re broken up. The feelings of inadequacy and insecurity came back. What if he marries again before me? What if I’ll never find someone who loves me?

Then I stopped myself and remembered – hey I’ve been doing all these wonderful things and leading a nice life without being in a relationship so far – it is really not a competition. Besides life is peaceful now. 

I know it is difficult especially when you are in the initial throes but peace is so important. Seek peace in all you do. If you focus on revenge, if you focus on the anger and the hatred, it’ll swallow you and the person that will be unhappiest is you. 

For example, I could’ve made it difficult for my ex to see his daughter but fights between us would ruin my peace and my daughter’s peace. And it is so not worth it. Sometimes it’s ok to lose a little to gain peace. And when you are at peace and are calm, you will feel happy inside. 

So this holiday season – I wish you peace. I wish you love. I wish you joy.