The Haves And The Have Nots

Dear friends,

For the past couple days, I have been struggling internally. You see my ex husband has been on this business trip and has not shown up nor called our daughter for the past three weeks. And I have been stalking our joint bank account.

I know, I know. I haven’t stalked in a while and I really shouldn’t care what he’s up to now that we are divorced. But it’s hard whenever he does something that triggers bad feelings in me – like going on ‘business trips’ and ghosting. Believe me – I do not ever want to get back together with him because cheating on me is the last straw. In fact his affair partner or whoever he’s with right now could have him for all I care since I know this is a man who comes with issues. But what bothers me most is that even though he was the one who caused our breakup, he hasn’t suffered any consequences. I’m the one bearing the brunt of the day-to-day child rearing – and even though I wouldn’t have it any other way, it does get exhausting and it doesn’t leave me much time for myself.

And of course tomorrow being Valentine’s Day, my Facebook is starting to explode with declarations of love from people to their significant other. And here I am, pushing 37 and wondering if I’m attractive enough, if I’ve gained too much weight lately, if I’ll ever find a good guy, if I’ll ever find love again…What if – and it’s a high possibility – my ex husband remarries and I have to deal with his new wife for the rest of my custody duration?!? 

Then today as I was walking my daughter to school on this cold and windy but sunny Monday morning, I looked around at the craziness that is New York City and I said to myself – you know what – right now I have everything that I’ve ever wished for. I’m living in the city that I love, I have a beautiful and healthy child and I have a great career that affords my child a good lifestyle. And when I focused on what I have and not what I don’t have – I started to feel happier. 

I may not be in a relationship again. I may not find love again. My ex may remarry again. These are things in my future that are beyond my control. And if I worry about these things now, I fail to appreciate the good stuff that’s already happened in my life.

So friends, for a lot of you in bad relationships or who are going through break ups, Valentine’s Day tomorrow may suck. But focus on what you have, appreciate the good things you have going in your life right now. And trust that the law of attraction will bring the good stuff back in your life. 

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