Finding Support

Dear friends,

Yesterday my daughter attended a ski class with a bunch of kindergarteners from her school. The class was arranged by my next door neighbor whose youngest daughter is the same age as my daughter and attends the same school. We also ran into a couple of her schoolmates at the ski resort since it’s one of the closest ski resorts to where we live. We had fun and my daughter picked up a couple of basics. 

Later that evening I told my close friend about our ski adventure and she mentioned something that’s stuck in my head since. She said that even though a bad thing happened to me, I have a good support system now.

And it’s true. As luck would have it, my next door neighbor has two older kids who also attend the same school as our daughters so she’s introduced me to a couple other parents. I have a close friend living in my building whose daughters also attend the same school and who I’ve relied on to help drop off or pick up my daughter on those days where I had early morning or late night meetings. And my work is pretty flexible and allows me to work from home as needed. My bosses know about my situation and are very understanding. In return, I’m 100% when I’m at work. 

I can’t stress enough about the importance of having a support system to help you through a bad situation and establish a new life. Some people like keeping their lives private but the danger of keeping bad feelings bottled up when you truly need help is that one day you might explode. You should reach out and ask for help when you need it. And you’ll be surprised at the most unlikely people that would show up for you. 

When it comes to sharing about your personal life, it’s up to you whether you want to share but sometimes telling someone might make you feel better. I’m an open book when it comes to my personal life but some people prefer remaining quiet about their lives. I say – share to an extent that you feel comfortable with and with someone you trust. Sometimes you’re most comfortable sharing with a complete stranger – hence a therapist may be a viable choice. I saw a therapist for a little over a year after I discovered the affair and I thought it helped. Or maybe it doesn’t even have to be someone to talk to – maybe writing is a better outlet for you to capture your thoughts and vent your emotions. Whatever it is, you need to do something to relieve yourself of the stress and feel better. 

I hope that if you have a good support system that is helping you get through this. And when you are strong enough and have gotten through the worst of it, you can be the support system for someone else too. 

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