Peace, Love And Joy

I know.

You read the header and probably went “This is so cheesy – is she serious?”

It’s hard to feel that holiday spirit when you are in the throes of a bad situation. I spent last Christmas with my closest friends and family back home. It helped a little but I still couldn’t help but feel a little weird that I wasn’t spending it with my husband as I always had for  the past six years. 

My ex husband has always been – and still is, secretive. I guess that’s how he’s been successful at maintaining that double life of deceit for three years. He’s never been forthcoming about what he’s up to. 

Today for a moment, I had reason to believe that he might be spending Christmas with his affair partner – I guess she’s now his girlfriend now that we’re divorced? – even though he’s always claimed they’re broken up. The feelings of inadequacy and insecurity came back. What if he marries again before me? What if I’ll never find someone who loves me?

Then I stopped myself and remembered – hey I’ve been doing all these wonderful things and leading a nice life without being in a relationship so far – it is really not a competition. Besides life is peaceful now. 

I know it is difficult especially when you are in the initial throes but peace is so important. Seek peace in all you do. If you focus on revenge, if you focus on the anger and the hatred, it’ll swallow you and the person that will be unhappiest is you. 

For example, I could’ve made it difficult for my ex to see his daughter but fights between us would ruin my peace and my daughter’s peace. And it is so not worth it. Sometimes it’s ok to lose a little to gain peace. And when you are at peace and are calm, you will feel happy inside. 

So this holiday season – I wish you peace. I wish you love. I wish you joy.

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