When I was in the throes of the affair discovery, my then-husband was desperately trying to make it all go away. He seemed very anxious to just have me forget about the affair so that life could get back to normal. He actually tried to date me again. And it felt nice and familiar but at the same time strange and crazy that he was trying to act like nothing happened.
In the midst of my confusion, my good friend told me to create a ‘shit list’ – to list out all the bad qualities about him and whenever I felt confused or tempted to get back together with him, I should refer to the shit list to remind myself not to go back to him.
One of the reasons why we remain stuck in a bad situation or find ourselves in the same bad situation time and time again is because as humans, we are drawn to the familiar. The bad situation is familiar to us and we are reluctant to step out of our comfort zone to face the great big world of unknowns. So even if the bad situation is getting increasingly ridiculous, we find ourselves giving excuses to explain why it is ok to stay stuck.
Creating a ‘Why You Should Never Go Back’ List gives you a tangible list of reasons of why you should never look back. The road to recovery is filled with many temptations to return to the warm, comforting world of the familiar, make all the bad memories go away and hope for the best. But we know the bad memories will not go away and hoping for the best is like leaving everything to chance. Hence having a list that you can refer to whenever the going gets tough will remind you why moving on and out of the bad situation is the best and right thing you can do for yourself.
I wrote my list at the back of my notebook and probably listed like 50 reasons why I should never go back to my husband.
And I never did.